Reflections on a wedding
29/05/16 05:24
I attending a wedding and reception yesterday, something that is common for ministers. It was a lovely affair, long-planned and carefully orchestrated. A bit of rain in the afternoon presented a minor challenge, but in no way marred the lovely day. I believe that the bride and groom and their families were delighted with how things went.
At the reception we sat with longtime friends, enjoying their company as well as the events of the evening. On the drive home, I noted that I was feeling tired, which surprised me a bit because the day hadn’t been particularly stressful and the work of the day had been light. A couple of observations on how I felt were shared by my wife and by the friends with whom we shared the reception.
The music seemed to be part of my sense of exhaustion. There had been music almost everywhere we went. At the rehearsal dinner, there was music in the background. At the reception, music played continuously through all of the events, pausing briefly for a few toasts. Not all music makes me tired. The service music for the wedding, for example was lovely: a harp and a keyboard and vocalists without amplification. The acoustic music fit the setting and was pleasing. In the other settings, the recorded music was not too loud. I could hear and understand conversation with others. It was played through high-end music systems with good clarity. What is different from the acoustic music of the wedding itself, however, was the presence of sub-woofers. The high end bass vibrations, right at the edge of my capacity to hear are impossible for me to ignore. I almost feel the bass before I can hear the sounds and can sense it from a greater distance than I can discern the rest of the music.
It is entirely possible that this reaction is a product of my age. My hearing has deteriorated some from years of exposure and use. I probably should have it tested again soon to make sure that I am not missing sounds that once were easy for me to hear. I think, however, that it is at least in part due to the advance of technology. The first time I remember hearing that deep, rumbling sub-bass sound was in an IMAX theatre where special care had been given to making the movie a total experience with sounds coming from all directions and stunning visual effects. They had designed the theatre so that you would feel the vibrations as well as hear them. Because we are used to hearing amplified sounds coming from a specific direction the surround sound was slightly disorienting.
Those theatre sounds are now common in a wide variety of other settings. People install those high end sound systems in their homes to watch movies in that setting and use the same sound systems to listen to their music. They become adjusted to the thumping bass and omni-present sound. We, however, do not own such a system. Our home is generally very quiet. When I sit to read a book I can become irritated at the sound of the refrigerator in the kitchen because I like the quiet. I rarely listen to music in my office as I work, preferring the quiet environment. I do listen to podcasts in the car, but I don’t have a high-end stereo system with subwoofers in my car, either. In that I know that my life is simply quieter than many other people. When I spend a few hours with that kind of sound I find myself tired from the experience.
A second observation is that in a similar manner to high school graduation ceremonies, I think that there were a few too many comments about “the best day of your life” made to the couple. After nearly 43 years of marriage I recall our wedding fondly. It was a lovely day and the reception was a lot of fun. We were married in a different time. There was no sit-down dinner, just cake, mints and nuts in the church social hall, but we were happy and the people who gathered for the celebration were generous and kind and loving. But there have been a lot of wonderful days since that night. My life didn’t peak out when I was 20 years old. It definitely wasn’t all down hill from that point.
In my comments to the couple I sought to avoid such statements. Indeed it was a wonderful day and I pray that the couple will have fond memories of the day for the rest of their lives. But the happiest day of their lives? I actually hope that it is not. I hope that there are many days, some even more joyful ahead for the couple.
Again, it is a product of my age, but I know that love deepens over time. Shared experiences compile and there is a cumulative effect of having done many things together. On the card to the couple I wrote, “One of the deepest joys of life is growing old together. It is a joy I hope you will one day know.” I really mean it. In a real sense my wife and I grew up together and the delight of many years of shared experiences adds to the joys of the present.
The good news is that I don’t have to make a point of my observations to the couple. The passage of time will teach them lessons that I don’t need to say out loud. They have a solid foundation and a good beginning to their life together and they had a wonderful celebration to inaugurate their married life. The passage of years and the experiences of life together will depend and mature that relationship. They don’t need some old guy to tell them the things they will discover together.
The music, however, is a different matter. Our culture is shaped by its music and I suspect that the changes we are experiencing will take a long time to play out. Whether people have more stressful lives because of the way we listen to music remains to be revealed.
So I have one more prayer for the couple as I begin my day. I pray that they will discover the joy of sharing silence together. I hope that they will have days of sitting together quietly with no music in the background, just enjoying each other. I hope they will take long walks in natural settings, listening to the sounds of birds and the wind in the trees. If they do, I know it will be a blessing.
At the reception we sat with longtime friends, enjoying their company as well as the events of the evening. On the drive home, I noted that I was feeling tired, which surprised me a bit because the day hadn’t been particularly stressful and the work of the day had been light. A couple of observations on how I felt were shared by my wife and by the friends with whom we shared the reception.
The music seemed to be part of my sense of exhaustion. There had been music almost everywhere we went. At the rehearsal dinner, there was music in the background. At the reception, music played continuously through all of the events, pausing briefly for a few toasts. Not all music makes me tired. The service music for the wedding, for example was lovely: a harp and a keyboard and vocalists without amplification. The acoustic music fit the setting and was pleasing. In the other settings, the recorded music was not too loud. I could hear and understand conversation with others. It was played through high-end music systems with good clarity. What is different from the acoustic music of the wedding itself, however, was the presence of sub-woofers. The high end bass vibrations, right at the edge of my capacity to hear are impossible for me to ignore. I almost feel the bass before I can hear the sounds and can sense it from a greater distance than I can discern the rest of the music.
It is entirely possible that this reaction is a product of my age. My hearing has deteriorated some from years of exposure and use. I probably should have it tested again soon to make sure that I am not missing sounds that once were easy for me to hear. I think, however, that it is at least in part due to the advance of technology. The first time I remember hearing that deep, rumbling sub-bass sound was in an IMAX theatre where special care had been given to making the movie a total experience with sounds coming from all directions and stunning visual effects. They had designed the theatre so that you would feel the vibrations as well as hear them. Because we are used to hearing amplified sounds coming from a specific direction the surround sound was slightly disorienting.
Those theatre sounds are now common in a wide variety of other settings. People install those high end sound systems in their homes to watch movies in that setting and use the same sound systems to listen to their music. They become adjusted to the thumping bass and omni-present sound. We, however, do not own such a system. Our home is generally very quiet. When I sit to read a book I can become irritated at the sound of the refrigerator in the kitchen because I like the quiet. I rarely listen to music in my office as I work, preferring the quiet environment. I do listen to podcasts in the car, but I don’t have a high-end stereo system with subwoofers in my car, either. In that I know that my life is simply quieter than many other people. When I spend a few hours with that kind of sound I find myself tired from the experience.
A second observation is that in a similar manner to high school graduation ceremonies, I think that there were a few too many comments about “the best day of your life” made to the couple. After nearly 43 years of marriage I recall our wedding fondly. It was a lovely day and the reception was a lot of fun. We were married in a different time. There was no sit-down dinner, just cake, mints and nuts in the church social hall, but we were happy and the people who gathered for the celebration were generous and kind and loving. But there have been a lot of wonderful days since that night. My life didn’t peak out when I was 20 years old. It definitely wasn’t all down hill from that point.
In my comments to the couple I sought to avoid such statements. Indeed it was a wonderful day and I pray that the couple will have fond memories of the day for the rest of their lives. But the happiest day of their lives? I actually hope that it is not. I hope that there are many days, some even more joyful ahead for the couple.
Again, it is a product of my age, but I know that love deepens over time. Shared experiences compile and there is a cumulative effect of having done many things together. On the card to the couple I wrote, “One of the deepest joys of life is growing old together. It is a joy I hope you will one day know.” I really mean it. In a real sense my wife and I grew up together and the delight of many years of shared experiences adds to the joys of the present.
The good news is that I don’t have to make a point of my observations to the couple. The passage of time will teach them lessons that I don’t need to say out loud. They have a solid foundation and a good beginning to their life together and they had a wonderful celebration to inaugurate their married life. The passage of years and the experiences of life together will depend and mature that relationship. They don’t need some old guy to tell them the things they will discover together.
The music, however, is a different matter. Our culture is shaped by its music and I suspect that the changes we are experiencing will take a long time to play out. Whether people have more stressful lives because of the way we listen to music remains to be revealed.
So I have one more prayer for the couple as I begin my day. I pray that they will discover the joy of sharing silence together. I hope that they will have days of sitting together quietly with no music in the background, just enjoying each other. I hope they will take long walks in natural settings, listening to the sounds of birds and the wind in the trees. If they do, I know it will be a blessing.